She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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