Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
