best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
A bitchslap is in order.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
