I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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