it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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