why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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