you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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