she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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