he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
