I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm at about main and main street
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
