After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
