Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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