I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
