just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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