Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
