last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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