and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
