I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
