Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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