I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Green mimosas i think yes
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
