Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize