I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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