i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
