A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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