once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
