Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
