Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
