K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dick very happy bro
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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