so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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