he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
