3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
