I just saw a hot homeless man
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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