You're a womanizer and a bitch.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
