ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
