Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
