I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
