Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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