Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
