He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I intend to get homeless drunk
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
