either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
