I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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