Please, let me fuck your mom
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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