i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
