I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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