You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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