Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
