Pants 0. Shit 1.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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