it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
