Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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