I just cut my nipple shaving
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
