obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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