i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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