haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
