if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
