I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
