I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
