It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
