I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
