He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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