I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
