Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
