No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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