The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
