the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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