im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
