Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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