Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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