she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
