Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
