Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
