i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Enjoy the penises
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
