im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
