i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My vagina is officially offended.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize