there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
