thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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