she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
