eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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