i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
