Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
